to start this off. here are some quotes from blogger i wrote this for you that pertain to what i'm thinking about.

Time never said

"Best you enjoy yourself now because we're going somewhere soon."

But that's what he meant. (sept.

Only because it's still so raw and real. Soon I'll just be a series of images that sometimes flash through your mind, when you least expect it. And after that, only a few will stay. Then, one. A memory of a memory. ( august 12)

You should tell them the truth. Tell them that if they hold on too tightly, love might cut them. Tell them to hold on tightly anyway. Tell them everything is worth it and that the richness of life is only ever enhanced by its inevitable, brief flashes of sadness and loss. (june 28)

You are the distance between the way things are and the way I want them to be. ( june 17 )

Of course it's complicated. If it wasn't, I probably wouldn't be interested in you. (june 2 )

Dreaming isn't hard. Dreaming while you walk, work and wonder, is another matter entirely. ( june 1)

weren't all of those magnificent!!!!!! check out iwrotethisforyou for you

now this is me :D

change is inevitable. and bound to happen but its soo hard some days.

all of us paint these amazing pictures of how we want our day, or life to go. and we imagine what someone else will do or say to impact us. how wonderful everything is going to be, but then bam. we get the news. somedays its good but we remember the bad news and bad change longer. it cuts us deeper and makes us bleed longer.

the worst is imagining one thing, and the complete opposite happening right?

or imagining completely obsurd things that you hope will maybe happen. but dont happen. and that little ounce of hope is crushed.

and we may hope or believe in one thing. but the world is made up of lots of people and they dont all believe or hope in those same things.

and isnt this the truth

we like someone, and they dont like us in that way

but then they like someone, and that other person doesn't like them in that way...etc and it just keeps going and going....

a never ending circle that we're all sucked into.

and since im a very sensitive person my heart gets crushed by this. i guess they dont call them crushes for nothing. im afraid that people i admire or like or even love will eventually just turn into a "memory of a memory"

that their laugh will slowly disintegrate. or the way their eyes look when their sad or laughing will simply dissapear from my mind.

ill slowly forget words spoken. how they were spoken. looks at certain moments.

the way they looked from behind and how their hands felt in my mind.

ill just forget. and this scares me.

but this is what else i think.

yes, those people may bring heartache and sadness. but they are the ones who made and make me more of a person. without them in my life im less. im not saying that i was a pathetic excuse for a person before. its just i was different and they added on to me. made me more. made me see and taste what i could have.

made me realize that yes this is what i want or don't want in my life and everyday journey.

and even when i lose something that i desperately wanted to hold onto forever, at least i had it. if only for a split second that went by too fast.

and its okay to be sensitive.

to feel the world and be part of the whirlwind we're all born into.

its okay to be hurt by change. but change is here. and we are here.

so ill try to hold on to these mental snapshots and images for as long as possible....

as long as it takes...