Don’t get me wrong now. I usually love life. I try to find at least one thing that is good in everyday. I enjoy living. But today I fucking hate it. I hate everything. And I don’t want to open my mind towards liking anything except maybe the lemon Lipton ice tea on my desk, and even that sucks because its empty calories. I fucking hate that we have to be on welfare, and I hate getting food from the college café with my mommy be my side as she takes out the square papers she gets for going to college while being a single mom. I want to use real money. And yes, I’m stupid to be thinking like that, but the little paper shows the whole world that we are abnormal. For some reason when im walking with my mom, no matter how im dressed people think im fresh off the boat, like all the other fucking Russians out there. And we stock up on food. And I fucking hate every moment of it. I fucking hate myself today for not having a car. That its taking me so long to do something I should have done ages ago. I hate that nobody gave me a car wrapped in a ginormous bow on my 16 birthday. I hate that im selfish and jealous. I hate that I work and work, and still have nothing.
I hate that I forgot my f-ing stupid student ID card today and couldn’t do any of my fucking RAD work. And I also hate that I dropped that salad today. Seriously, what the hell?
I hate that im cussing as I write even though I don’t cuss out loud. I feel like a hypocrite. I hate that everyone’s a hypocrite in some way or another.
I hate that I feel so giant, like some oversized balloon trying to get educated, but stuck. I hate that math doesn’t interest me and that being a doctor would take too much time and information that just wouldn’t stick in my brain. I hate that im not drop dead gorgeous or at least really really fit. I hate that ive never had a boyfriend. And I hate that im so desperate. Im afraid that I’ll settle for someone less.
I hate that I like in a fucking valley. Where its hot for such a long time. I hate that I don’t live right in the midst of mountains or the ocean. That its not raining right now. That its not windy but sunny.
Okay okay, I am liking the hot chocolate that im drinking I must confess. But nothing else. I am a beast today. I will tear you to shreds.
I hate that people think I think nice thoughts all the time, and am never mean or feisty. I guess they haven’t read this right here.
I hate my dad today too. For thinking he can just do what he does. Come back into my life whenever he feels like it. I don’t but I do want to see him. I hate that I can’t decide and am always stuck in the middle.i fucking hate it. and i fucking hate today...



this right here is the good news though:
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1nauah/www.naturesoundsfor.me/